It has been often said that there are 90 million cowards in the Central American Republic of Santa Banana. You see, where the citizens of other countries would immediately take to the streets the moment their national leaders steal, restrict civil liberties, trample human rights, or, otherwise, abuse their powers, the people of Santa Banana just complain, feed exposes to the print, TV and radio commentators, and organize “activist groups” with fancy names like Black-and-Blue Movement.
Their most daring action is usually a protest march that is immediately dispersed with a few blasts of fire hoses or the bone-cracking swings of police batons. In Santa Banana, the motto of the activists – otherwise known as “leaders of civil society” – is: “He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.”
Not surprisingly, Gloria En Excesses Deo, president of Santa Banana, feels free to bend, twist, reconfigure and otherwise break the law whenever she pleases. She knows that the 90 million cowards of Santa Banana will yelp and bark. Like dogs. But never bite. Like toothless dogs.
Perhaps it is the Catholic upbringing of the people of this country, once dominated by Spanish friars. The friars hammered into the heads of Santa Bananans that the road to heaven winds through Calvary, that silently and uncomplainingly accepting abuse is a virtue, and forgiving others their trespasses is the key to sainthood.
It took Santa Banana almost four centuries before they could get organized enough to mount a revolution against Spain. But it took the martyrdom of one man to light the fuse of the Santa Banana Revolution.
Then, when they were forced under the heel of a dictator, it took almost two decades to get them mad enough to run the dictator out of town. Again, that fury was unleashed by the assassination of a charismatic leader. They called that uprising Banana Power.
Almost a decade and a half later, inspired by Banana Power and irked by the shenanigans of the incumbent president, they declared, “Once more with peeling!” and staged Banana Power Two.
But that one was less a revolution than a double-cross hatched by Vice-President Gloria En Excesses Deo against the incumbent president, with the help of military officers and politicians who had not received their share of the take in the rackets. In other words, Banana Power Two didn’t take courage and heroism. It just took some very clever schemers to lead the masses by the nose.
And so ruled Gloria En Excesses Deo. And, boy, has she lived up to her name. Excesses in electoral cheating. Excesses in stealing from the national coffers, overpricing, extortion, bribery, smuggling, and overall graft and corruption. Excesses in extra-judicial killings and the muzzling of the media. Excesses in cover-ups and in frustrating the justice system. Excesses in manipulating and controlling the legislature and treating its members like dogs. Lap dogs. Excesses in using the military and the police as accessories to illegal acts.
This year, Gloria En Excesses Deo has really pushed the envelope to the edge. Early on, it was obvious that she relished power and found the term limit imposed by the Santa Banana constitution a pain in the behind. With some equally ambitious politicians, she schemed to have the constitution amended to enable her to keep the reins of power, not as president but as prime minister.
That was foiled by a citizenry that had gathered enough guts to protest. But protesting was as far as they were willing to go. Once the police and the military brandished their batons, exploded their tear gas and let loose their fire hoses, the citizens dispersed. It took other ambitious politicians, the enemies of Gloria En Excesses Deo, to foil the plot.
This year is an election year. A new president is supposed to be elected – the replacement of Gloria En Excesses Deo. Confronted by the harsh prospect of relinquishing the presidency at the end of her term, the Queen of Excesses has set into motion a multi-faceted plot that is awesome in its intricacy and brilliance.
The ultimate objective is to keep her in power. But the moves are more complicated than anything Boris Spassky or Bobby Fischer could have concocted.
First, she has placed her most trusted lap dogs in control of the armed forces and the police. One senior police commander who declared that he would not follow illegal orders from the president has been consigned to the dog house.
Secondly, she has set up the Electoral Commission with an automated system designed to fail. Thirdly, she has let her propaganda experts leak the rumor that there could be a failure of elections – thereby, preparing the 90 million cowards of Santa Banana to resign themselves to that eventuality.
Fourthly, she has made a deal with one presidential candidate, who has a record for honesty and integrity as scandalous as hers, and an obsession to become president at all costs, as intense as hers. This has given the impression that she is prepared to relinquish the presidency. In chess, this is called a gambit.
Fifthly, she is running for Congress in a district that she controls. One of her sons, who had to give way to his mother, is running for congress as a representative of the poor and underprivileged. It’s so outrageous, nobody has found the adjectives to adequately protest the farce.
According to this option, she will become speaker of the house of representatives and take over the government in the event of a “failure of elections.” This will lead to an amendment of the constitution and her installation as prime minister.
And what about the presidential candidate that she has made a deal with? Well, all he wants is to make money and carry the title of president. He will have both. But the real power will remain in the hands of Gloria En Excesses Deo.
And, finally, she has rigged the Santa Banana Supreme Court, loading it with lap dogs who will sit and bark at her bidding and confirm the legality of any illegal action that she may decide to take in order to stay in power.
What, you may ask, will the 90 million cowards of Santa Banana do about it?
Right now they’re being bought off by the presidential candidate with whom Gloria En Excesses Deo has made a deal. They are also being cowed by the military and the police. And they’ve been told by the most influential leaders of Santa Banana media that being raped is not too bad if you learn to enjoy it.
Does that mean that Gloria En Excesses Deo will get away with her intricate game plan?
Perhaps. But then again, the 90 million cowards of Santa Banana could gather some courage.
This could happen if the cowards in the military and the cowards in the police finally look at themselves in the mirror and realize their cowardice. Or, maybe, they will look into the eyes of their children, whose future they are selling down the river, and be overcome by shame.
It takes a long time, much persecution, a heap of insults, and a flood of abuse for the 90 million cowards of Santa Banana to get mad enough to fight for their honor and dignity. Gloria En Excesses Deo has calculated that it won’t happen while she’s around.
But, maybe, there is someone among the 90 million who isn’t a coward. Someone who has the courage, the nobility, and the heroism of the two who sparked the Santa Banana Revolution and Banana Power One.
Someone who will take the words of the Santa Banana national anthem to heart. Yes. Wanted. A hero for Santa Banana.
(gregmacabenta@hotmail.com)
Their most daring action is usually a protest march that is immediately dispersed with a few blasts of fire hoses or the bone-cracking swings of police batons. In Santa Banana, the motto of the activists – otherwise known as “leaders of civil society” – is: “He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.”
Not surprisingly, Gloria En Excesses Deo, president of Santa Banana, feels free to bend, twist, reconfigure and otherwise break the law whenever she pleases. She knows that the 90 million cowards of Santa Banana will yelp and bark. Like dogs. But never bite. Like toothless dogs.
Perhaps it is the Catholic upbringing of the people of this country, once dominated by Spanish friars. The friars hammered into the heads of Santa Bananans that the road to heaven winds through Calvary, that silently and uncomplainingly accepting abuse is a virtue, and forgiving others their trespasses is the key to sainthood.
It took Santa Banana almost four centuries before they could get organized enough to mount a revolution against Spain. But it took the martyrdom of one man to light the fuse of the Santa Banana Revolution.
Then, when they were forced under the heel of a dictator, it took almost two decades to get them mad enough to run the dictator out of town. Again, that fury was unleashed by the assassination of a charismatic leader. They called that uprising Banana Power.
Almost a decade and a half later, inspired by Banana Power and irked by the shenanigans of the incumbent president, they declared, “Once more with peeling!” and staged Banana Power Two.
But that one was less a revolution than a double-cross hatched by Vice-President Gloria En Excesses Deo against the incumbent president, with the help of military officers and politicians who had not received their share of the take in the rackets. In other words, Banana Power Two didn’t take courage and heroism. It just took some very clever schemers to lead the masses by the nose.
And so ruled Gloria En Excesses Deo. And, boy, has she lived up to her name. Excesses in electoral cheating. Excesses in stealing from the national coffers, overpricing, extortion, bribery, smuggling, and overall graft and corruption. Excesses in extra-judicial killings and the muzzling of the media. Excesses in cover-ups and in frustrating the justice system. Excesses in manipulating and controlling the legislature and treating its members like dogs. Lap dogs. Excesses in using the military and the police as accessories to illegal acts.
This year, Gloria En Excesses Deo has really pushed the envelope to the edge. Early on, it was obvious that she relished power and found the term limit imposed by the Santa Banana constitution a pain in the behind. With some equally ambitious politicians, she schemed to have the constitution amended to enable her to keep the reins of power, not as president but as prime minister.
That was foiled by a citizenry that had gathered enough guts to protest. But protesting was as far as they were willing to go. Once the police and the military brandished their batons, exploded their tear gas and let loose their fire hoses, the citizens dispersed. It took other ambitious politicians, the enemies of Gloria En Excesses Deo, to foil the plot.
This year is an election year. A new president is supposed to be elected – the replacement of Gloria En Excesses Deo. Confronted by the harsh prospect of relinquishing the presidency at the end of her term, the Queen of Excesses has set into motion a multi-faceted plot that is awesome in its intricacy and brilliance.
The ultimate objective is to keep her in power. But the moves are more complicated than anything Boris Spassky or Bobby Fischer could have concocted.
First, she has placed her most trusted lap dogs in control of the armed forces and the police. One senior police commander who declared that he would not follow illegal orders from the president has been consigned to the dog house.
Secondly, she has set up the Electoral Commission with an automated system designed to fail. Thirdly, she has let her propaganda experts leak the rumor that there could be a failure of elections – thereby, preparing the 90 million cowards of Santa Banana to resign themselves to that eventuality.
Fourthly, she has made a deal with one presidential candidate, who has a record for honesty and integrity as scandalous as hers, and an obsession to become president at all costs, as intense as hers. This has given the impression that she is prepared to relinquish the presidency. In chess, this is called a gambit.
Fifthly, she is running for Congress in a district that she controls. One of her sons, who had to give way to his mother, is running for congress as a representative of the poor and underprivileged. It’s so outrageous, nobody has found the adjectives to adequately protest the farce.
According to this option, she will become speaker of the house of representatives and take over the government in the event of a “failure of elections.” This will lead to an amendment of the constitution and her installation as prime minister.
And what about the presidential candidate that she has made a deal with? Well, all he wants is to make money and carry the title of president. He will have both. But the real power will remain in the hands of Gloria En Excesses Deo.
And, finally, she has rigged the Santa Banana Supreme Court, loading it with lap dogs who will sit and bark at her bidding and confirm the legality of any illegal action that she may decide to take in order to stay in power.
What, you may ask, will the 90 million cowards of Santa Banana do about it?
Right now they’re being bought off by the presidential candidate with whom Gloria En Excesses Deo has made a deal. They are also being cowed by the military and the police. And they’ve been told by the most influential leaders of Santa Banana media that being raped is not too bad if you learn to enjoy it.
Does that mean that Gloria En Excesses Deo will get away with her intricate game plan?
Perhaps. But then again, the 90 million cowards of Santa Banana could gather some courage.
This could happen if the cowards in the military and the cowards in the police finally look at themselves in the mirror and realize their cowardice. Or, maybe, they will look into the eyes of their children, whose future they are selling down the river, and be overcome by shame.
It takes a long time, much persecution, a heap of insults, and a flood of abuse for the 90 million cowards of Santa Banana to get mad enough to fight for their honor and dignity. Gloria En Excesses Deo has calculated that it won’t happen while she’s around.
But, maybe, there is someone among the 90 million who isn’t a coward. Someone who has the courage, the nobility, and the heroism of the two who sparked the Santa Banana Revolution and Banana Power One.
Someone who will take the words of the Santa Banana national anthem to heart. Yes. Wanted. A hero for Santa Banana.
(gregmacabenta@hotmail.com)
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